Olympics!

So I've been (kind of obsessively) watching the Olympic games.

I love the Olympics. I've never even heard of some of these sports before! Or maybe haven't watched them in the last four years. Let's join together and cheer for athletes we've just learned exist!

Unfortunately, I live in the US. This means I can a) wait to watch the highly edited recaps shown at night or b) watch live streams on the NBC app! Woo!! Live events, no edits. Just watch them all!

Such a great solution. Except you have to have paid-for television and the ability to sign in to the app with the cable or satellite login. Which I don't have....

What's a girl to do?!

Thanks to the awesomeness of my brother living in China, I've learned about something called a VPN. I won't go into the details describing how it works or what VPN stands for. Mostly because I have no earthy idea how it actually works. Basically you turn it on and it tricks the internet to think you are in a different place.

So my iPad has spent time thinking it is in the UK so I can watch BBC.

Actually, it's pretty fun. British accents, different views on the commentary, entire event.

I've been cheering on the curlers, skaters, skiers, biathletes and generally people who are about 1308x's more in shape than I am.

Sidebar: I think most people don't understand curling but watch it because...let's face it...it's the only sport in all of the Olympics that seems like we might be actually able to do it. It is actually harder than it looks because there is apparently strategy and getting the right speed/spin....yeah. But I digress.

I have to confess: I don't always cheer for the Americans. When it comes to hockey-Canada all the way. Then it just depends. I like the underdogs. I like the good stories. Victor Ahn from Russia (via South Korea)? Awesome. So, I pick many to cheer for. We don't hold the patent on thrilling victories or agonizing defeats here in 'Murica!

This post is really random and rambling. Sorry.

Let me digress again....how ridiculously in shape are some of these people?! Speed skaters. Their thighs are obscene. Basically squatting for long periods of time. What?!

And those who ski cross country (sometimes uphill...). Aren't they just running with long pieces of wood strapped to their feet? And on snow? Probably a really good inner thigh exercise. Oh. then sometimes they shoot targets mid race. 

Who thinks of these things?! Seriously.

Do all of the downhill/ski jump/super g/obstacle avoiding skiers just preschedule regular knee repair surgeries? They might as well. They won't be able to walk in 20 years. They will have no knees left on which to walk.

Figure skaters.



I rest my case.

(Though I totally want Nathaniel to have Charlie White's hair! Wouldn't he be so cute with longish curls?!)

 




I'm not sure I can find my way back to the point of the post. Which probably didn't exist anyway.

One last thing I love: seeing the atheletes congratulate each other. I love realizing that they are probably closer to people from other countries because they share a sport, than they are to other athletes from their own country. I love seeing the hugs, the cheers (most of the time), for a job well done.

I just wanted to express my enjoyment of the Olympic games and some of my incredulity that human bodies can do some of those things. The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat.

It is coming to an end, though. We will stop watching some of these sports for the next 4 years. I look forward to 2018 in Pyeonchang, South Korea. When the world gets together to try to beat each other for God (or not) and country. And I'll probably find a way to watch live sports events from other countries' stations.

In the meantime, anyone know of a nearby curling club?

-Lisa

Sometimes I Am A Bad Mom

It's true. Sometimes I'm a bad mom.

(I'm also a bad blogger but that's neither here nor here right now!)

Some days I'm a great mom! I read and cuddle and play and respond well to all the drama. But not every day.

Today is a great example of bad parenting. Nathaniel has a cold and as a result of that (and possibly other things? Who knows) was very grumpy. How did I deal with that and all the toddler exploration? Sometimes I scolded him. Sometimes I let out a yell to get his attention to try and make him stop. Sometimes I went along with it.

Why is it that I could just let him remove the leftover flour breading from the bowl onto the counter, clean floor, and his stool, 1/2 tsp at a time? Why that, when right before and right after I got angry for other different, but equally annoying things he was doing?

When I analyze it later, the only thing I can think of is : I am human.

I get annoyed. I get irritated that what I just cleaned can't stay clean. It is inconvenient for me that Nathaniel is curious, likes to climb, and likes to move things around for the purpose of using them as step stools.

But, as a human, I can also celebrate that he is curious; it's how we learn. I can celebrate that Nathaniel likes to play and run and climb. I can celebrate his love and hugs and kisses.

I am so thankful that, even though I sometimes am a bad mom, Nathaniel still loves me. He still gives kisses and hugs and is glad to see me. His forgiveness seems to know no bounds. (Let's see how that goes in about 15 years!)  I am so grateful for this!

Mercy. It's a great thing. I try to extend mercy and grace to myself, while balancing that mercy with trying to make a better choice in a difficult moment. Trying to get better at being a mom.

So, tomorrow, I will try to take breath before freaking out at another mess. I will remember that these moments with him are not interruptions, but opportunities that won't last forever. I will try to be just a little bit better mom.

Just don't expect me to be a Pinterest perfect mom. Those wonderful projects and school snacks to do with or for kids ain't never gonna happen with me. Sorry kid.

-Lisa

A Little of This...

Yesterday = Rain, rain, rain. At least we didn't get snow here like we had potential for. And rain is good. But I appreciate it more when the rainy day involves my not leaving the house at all.

I was watching NCIS last night (I'm totally awesome at transition sentences).

Gibb's dad was trying to visit someone who saved his life during WWII. He was flying the wrong way and this pilot directed him in the right way. Gibbs had trouble believing his dad, couldn't find someone in his dad's squad with that name, etc. But then the dad told him it was a German pilot who had wanted to do something good to remember who he was. He wrote to Papa Gibbs (he'd moved to the US after the war) to say he was dying and all he could see were the faces of those he killed. 

What really struck me was something Papa Gibbs said. I couldn't find the exact quote, but when Gibbs wondered why this German would help his enemy, Papa Gibbs said that they were the same. They were both flyers, up the air. They were brothers.

I love NCIS. It does, however, get a bit deep into a war is justified, protecting America is the goal at all costs, type of view. I'm not here to debate that, but let's just say I don't completely buy into that whole mindset.

(Still like America and am thankful that I live here. Don't hurt me.)

To hear that point of view from a show like this was...surprising. That maybe our enemies are not so different us as we would like to believe.  Maybe those we are "supposed" to be fighting are human, are "good".

The thing is: I can understand the idea of fighting to protect your family, loved ones, way of life. I get it. I totally get the pull. I do.

But what I can't get over is that, no matter how bad someone is. No matter how twisted or wrong or demented they are, they are still human. God loves them, knows them by name, knows the hairs on their head.

How could I rejoice in that person's death if God loves them? How could I wish them dead if God loves them and desires for them to know Him?

That's where my struggle always ends up. I know me. I don't have some wonderful moral high ground because I haven't done any "really bad" things. Who can judge what person is good enough to decide who should live and who should die?

I'm not trying to say people can do what they want or that punishment/justice should not be done.

I think it has just become very easy to vilify the other side, the "enemy." They become less than human and easier to kill.

Just a few light reflections brought on by my favorite show.

(I probably had more I was going to say but I typed this last night and was interrupted because Nathaniel had a nasty teething bout and wouldn't stay asleep unless held and fairly upright. His congestion caused coughing so he wasn't happy. Let's just say I didn't sleep a ton last night.)

-Lisa

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time, I started a blog. I was going to keep it up and do so well.

Then summer happened, we went to China, things happened at work and home and....I just never made time to blog. I wrote a bunch in my head! But that doesn't really get them published online.

Life is theoretically settling down with work and home. Maybe I can actually keep up with an actual blog on a regular basis. One can wish.

This mostly wraps up what I want to say.

But if anyone has tips on surviving toddlerhood...I would take them! We are all about the drama right now.

That and climbing. Nathaniel has (fortunately?) been able to figure out how to safely climb up and down from whatever object he has set as a goal to summit, so at least his isn't just falling off everything. But scaling the oven door front? Using his music table toy to reach new heights? It's just a bit too much for this mama!

At least he's cute and funny as well!

On a recent stop on the way home from Kansas with daddy.

My hope is to do a post or several on our trip to China (better late than never, for posterity's sake. And my spotty memory down the road) and get back into regular blogging about life, thoughts, struggles, and whatever other randomness pops into my head.

Blessings,
Lisa

Whoops...

I decided when I started a blog that I would update it regularly.

Whoops.

It's been awhile, but, in my defense, I've been busy. Because no one else is, ever!

But seriously. There was camp prep, camp, camp recovery/vacation prep. Which is where I find myself now.

Camp was amazing. Nathaniel was a rock star and charming (at least for the general public). He had to spend a few days recovering by being whiny and clingy, but I kind of expected that. He smiled and charmed, he even played in the cold lake with joy and excitement! And he only tried to eat 2 handfuls of sand the first day and one the second. I count that as a win.

It wasn't how I've experienced camp before, as I spent a lot of each morning and early afternoon either sorting our camp mail or dealing with naps. But time at camp is still worthwhile and any time with those amazing kids is worthwhile.

One of the campers who I see sometimes in "real life" missed "her kid" so much she bought him a little baby laptop at a garage sale to give to him! She has a kind and caring heart. Amazing to see!

Last week was recovery. Trying to sleep, get the house in some kind of order, starting to think about vacation that is coming up oh-so-soon. 

By "soon" I mean going to Omaha tomorrow night and flying out early Wednesday morning. Where, you ask?

China! We are going to see my brother on a nice family vacation, including my parents!

Yes, Nathaniel is going with us.

No, we haven't gotten extra shots, nor do we need them.

Yes, really, we are taking our child along. They have kids in China, FYI.

No, we are not worried about him going along/getting a disease/whatever.

We will be careful and we will have fun. I will take lots of pictures and share them upon our return.

Also, we have very ferocious guard bunnies at our house (just ask my green bean plants) and very kind, curious, watchful neighbors and in-laws.

So, with that, I will resume my clothes gathering and laundering, preparation for my CASA training in 3 hours, cold recovery, dishes, and supper making.

I will blog when I get back unless I have some random time and access in China. They have the internet but I'm never sure what sites will work on what days. So it goes.

I'm massively excited for this trip (possibly minus the 14ish hour flights to and from China and the jet lag with a toddler) and so excited to see my brother and be in China again!

(I really do have a toddler now. Nathaniel decided to start walking last weekend and this weekend decided it was worth his time to do it more than occasionally.) It's the end of the world as we know it.

-Lisa

Heading For the Royal Family Kids' Camp...

...heading for a lot of fun!

One of the things I've learned about marriage, is that you don't just marry the person, or even the family, but you also marry into some ways of life. 

The big thing in the Kroeker's way of life is Royal Family Kids' Camp. Back in the mid-1980's, my mother in law was a part of a group who wanted to help the abused and neglected children of Nebraska and became connected to RFKC out of California. The camp is specially formatted for the needs of abused and neglected kids.

Our camp is coming up in a week! Last minute preparations are in full (and desperate) swing.

We have rules that protect the kids and the staff. We are never alone with a child; we always "buddy up" with another trained adult. We eat ALL. THE. TIME. Neglected kids have often been denied food and not eating becomes a trigger for them. Thusly, we eat about every 2-3 hours.

We are also a high energy camp! We move all the time. This helps keeps the highly ADD kids from getting out of hand. Mostly!

Camp is at a secure location and only trained staff/counselors and invited guests are allowed. We don't take our own pictures, but have photographers who take photos and an amazing team who puts together photo books for the kids to take home at the end of the week.

Worship team on a tropical themed year!

Nathaniel's first camp experience.

Each day we have special events. During the day we usually have some dress up theme like crazy hair, animal masks, ninja, pirate, or (this year) intergalactic super stars. When I figure out what that is, I'll tell you! Evenings each have a special event. Monday is some sort of large party a certain amazing church puts on.  It goes with our theme for the year: this year it will be a road rally with boxcars the staff/counselors have made with the ladies in poodle skirts and the men in white shirts.

Tuesday is our tea party. The girls spend all afternoon getting dressed up. The guys spend about 8 minutes doing that after fun afternoon games! But we then have a fancy meal and a special evening of performances. Often it's a talent show, which is pretty cool to celebrate these kids' talents and to just have fun.

Wednesday is cah-razy! It has involved go-karts or 4-wheelers, making homemade ice cream, obstacle courses, wild game tasting, pig chasing....it's a nutty, awesome night! Also, often a night for storms. One was even featured on "Storm Chasers." (I watched the show and couldn't figure out how I'd missed this massive tornado by Grand Island...then I realized it was heading for camp! God protected us and it went around.)

Staff roasting marshmallows on Ninja Day.

Thursday is the birthday party. Often kids in foster care do not get birthday parties. They don't get gifts just for them. They aren't celebrated. Thursday is THEIR day. They get their own birthday cupcake and birthday boxes filled with birthday gifts. They also get grab bags from their awesome party. Usually it involves candy and/or noise makers (both of which we ask the people to NOT include).

Actually, one of my favorite camp stories was on a Thursday night when I was putting boys to bed after they opened their gifts. Another staff coming out of the cabin I was just entering decided to use our walkie talkie system (for important communication and emergencies) to ask everyone with a radio (which is everyone all over camp) why the people put candy in the grab bags. "Why don't they just put crack in there instead?!" David. Like, the best storyteller EVER.

Camp stories are the BEST. We have some amazing story tellers who can relate the fun, sad, touching times we have with the campers. The campers. They are...amazing.

I know these kids have been abused. I know they have suffered through things I can not, dare not imagine. But I put that aside during camp because I cannot handle it. Who can look at those beautiful, funny, sweet children and hurt them? I don't get it. It makes me angry. So to cope during camp, I push those thoughts far away.

Once in awhile during the day, it comes back. I push it away. Then there's Thursday afternoon. We have what we call a "reclaiming" ceremony, when the kids write or tell an adult what people have done who hurt them. Some kids tell a lot; some nothing; some something in the middle. But the abuse becomes real then.

And I hate it.

I want to pretend that it isn't really real. But I can't. I can't push those thoughts aside.

But that's why we're there. That's why we spend months ahead of time planning, preparing, contacting, fundraising, recruiting. That's why we work hard to be creative with our ideas, decorations, events. That's why we pray and sing and laugh and play.

We do it for these kids. We do it so they will know the love of Christ in their lives. So they will have experiences that kids have. We do it so they can be...kids. They can be normal for once. The camp is for kids just like them, and they know it.

The most amazing thing is watching the kids come out of their shells, grow and develop. We've seen autistic kids change more than we ever thought possible. It's a testament to love and the grace of God.

I leave you with the words to our theme song that we sing at the end of each singing session, arms around each other. It's a promise from God to each one of us, especially to those who are brokenhearted:
"I will change your name.
You shall no longer be called wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid.
I will change your name.
Your new name shall be confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one, faithfulness, friend of God, one who seeks My face."

May we remember the new names God has given us.
-Lisa

A Little Bit of This...Not Much of That...

How quickly time goes by!

Suddenly, in the midst of life, I remember that I have a blog on which I have not posted for awhile.

Sorry.

It's not that much has been happening. Just bits of life here and there. Nathaniel has tooth #8 (a molar) coming in on top and swollen gums heralding the imminent arrival of teeth #9 and #10 (also molars). I continue trying to keep food available for eating, dishes somewhat done, and a house that is not a complete and utter disaster zone.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the house can go from decent to "I might as well burn this place down and start anew." Which is about where we're at today.

This little box (for small toys) and a larger basket (for big toys) are SUPPOSED to be protecting the DVD player, Wii, and stereo from little fingers. As you might be able to tell, they are failing. Nathaniel is inspecting a DVD while chillaxing in the toy box.

I would love to spend time writing a deep, thoughtful post, or something very witty. But, my brain is basically consumed with some projects, some trips, and some preparations. Royal Family Kids' Camp is coming up in 12 days or so and I have just come to realize this will mean actual preparations for that for me and Nathaniel, but also for Jeff, who, I assume, will not think much about getting ready until about 11pm Saturday night. Camp starts Sunday morning.

Other things are astir, including basically selling my soul, sacrificing my son, and emptying my pockets to get tourist Visas for China. Can't you just take my tourist money and let me in?!

For your reading pleasure, I will link you to Jen Hatmaker's blog. She recently posted a blog entitled "Worst End of School Year Mom Ever", a hilarious rant that has even been posted (at least in part) on MSN and Huffington Post.

-Lisa