It's true. Sometimes I'm a bad mom.
(I'm also a bad blogger but that's neither here nor here right now!)
Some days I'm a great mom! I read and cuddle and play and respond well to all the drama. But not every day.
Today is a great example of bad parenting. Nathaniel has a cold and as a result of that (and possibly other things? Who knows) was very grumpy. How did I deal with that and all the toddler exploration? Sometimes I scolded him. Sometimes I let out a yell to get his attention to try and make him stop. Sometimes I went along with it.
Why is it that I could just let him remove the leftover flour breading from the bowl onto the counter, clean floor, and his stool, 1/2 tsp at a time? Why that, when right before and right after I got angry for other different, but equally annoying things he was doing?
When I analyze it later, the only thing I can think of is : I am human.
I get annoyed. I get irritated that what I just cleaned can't stay clean. It is inconvenient for me that Nathaniel is curious, likes to climb, and likes to move things around for the purpose of using them as step stools.
But, as a human, I can also celebrate that he is curious; it's how we learn. I can celebrate that Nathaniel likes to play and run and climb. I can celebrate his love and hugs and kisses.
I am so thankful that, even though I sometimes am a bad mom, Nathaniel still loves me. He still gives kisses and hugs and is glad to see me. His forgiveness seems to know no bounds. (Let's see how that goes in about 15 years!) I am so grateful for this!
Mercy. It's a great thing. I try to extend mercy and grace to myself, while balancing that mercy with trying to make a better choice in a difficult moment. Trying to get better at being a mom.
So, tomorrow, I will try to take breath before freaking out at another mess. I will remember that these moments with him are not interruptions, but opportunities that won't last forever. I will try to be just a little bit better mom.
Just don't expect me to be a Pinterest perfect mom. Those wonderful projects and school snacks to do with or for kids ain't never gonna happen with me. Sorry kid.
-Lisa
